CAN A NARCISSIST TRULY LOVE YOU? A topic to be debated on!

 

This topic is a one most people are not ready for because Narcissists can be the most complicated people ever. But how long shall we keep postponing? It is time to take a deep closer look at this group of people because they are everywhere. It could be your partner, your friend, family or even you. The most interesting thing here is, these people do not know that they are Narcissists. Funny, right?

Let me bring you up the pace so we can get in the depth of this topic.

 First, Who are Narcissists? 

You would have heard this word before or you might have used it to describe someone or people you've met. I've done that too. However, most people misunderstand this Narcissist thingy. The truth is a little different from what we think it is, It is not all about being selfish or self-centred. According to BetterHelp, A narcissist isn't just someone who thinks about themselves, it is someone who has an extremely exaggerated view of themselves and a very strong need for others to accept and admire them. It's a disorder of contradictions. These people dread the pain of rejection. They seek validation in most areas of their lives.

Narcissism as a personality disorder

I know what you are thinking... Yes, it has been diagnosed as a mental condition to tell you how critical it is. The personality disorder causes so many problems in areas of life like relationships, work, school, family and economic affairs. Due to these people having unstable self-esteem and being vulnerable to any slight criticism, they are prone to have failing relationships/friendships. When they feel they are not getting the honour, affection and attention they think they deserve from you, they become disappointed and sad. Then, end the relationship.

But,

Even with the obvious signs of being a Narcissist like:

• Reluctance to apologise and accept faults.
• Overemphasizing on their achievements and capabilities.
• Steady need for attention
• Lack of human empathy and compassion is ignoring the needs of the people around them.
• Being envious of people around them even when they are doing better.
• Belief in superiority over others etc,

Most of the Narcissists believe that nothing is wrong with them because the signs have become their character traits. That is the reason why friendships and relationships they get into often end up in a bad note. They never apologise for anything and they always see the other person as the "toxic" one. 

Can a Narcissist Truly Love You?

The hardest part of a Narcissist's life is in his or her relationships with people most especially romantic relationships and marriages. 

Anyone who’s loved a narcissist always thinks “Does he love me?” “Does she appreciate me?” They’re torn between their love and the discomfort, between staying and leaving, but can’t seem to do either. Some swear they’re loved; others are confirmed they’re not. It’s confusing because sometimes they experience the caring person they love, whose company is a pleasure, only to be followed by behaviour that makes them feel unimportant or inadequate. The bipolar behaviour always leaves the partner in a state of Dilemma.

Why is this so?

Narcissists may show affection during the early stages of a relationship. They spend time with you, go on dates, and do things couples do. But this is only temporal because in their heads "I am only having fun in this relationship, nothing serious ". They are playing a game with you and winning is the game. Narcissists love to find self-surrendering partners who do not have any needs at all so all focus can be on them and them alone. That is a way their ego is massaged so they can feel superior in the relationship be it male or female. They want their " needs met" but do not want to meet anyone's needs.

When they see that things are getting intimate and serious in a relationship, they are withdrawn and lose interest because they have won the game. 

Several have trouble sustaining a relationship for more than six months to a few years. They prioritize sovereignty over intimacy and dislike vulnerability, which they consider weak.

To maintain control, they avoid closeness and prefer dominance and superiority over others. Game-playing thus strikes the exact balance to both get their needs met and keep their options open to flirt or date multiple partners. All boils down to manipulation and mind games, leaving the partners are victims of their circumstance.

According to Ritter, Narcissists have several hurdles to loving. First, they neither see themselves nor others. First, they experience people as extensions of themselves, rather than separate individuals with differing needs, desires, and feelings. Following, they overestimate their emotional empathy.

Personal Opinion:

If you have to question "love" in your relationship then you already have an answer. True love is expressed that when it is finally said, to believe it is like a walk in the park.

A Narcissist cannot love you truly. If it the true love that puts each other first, the one that compromises and accommodates, the one that is patient enough to teach and learn, a Narcissist does not understand it.

The love they understand is all about mind games and putting themselves first.

Unless you want to have fun, it is not advisable to be in a serious relationship with a Narcissist or some who is egocentric. It never ends well.

Finally, 

If you know someone who has the Narcissism personality disorder, they should attend talk therapy sessions and fix themselves. But first of all, you have to make them see that something is wrong with them.

Also, do not be quick to judge and give up on them because they need your help. If you are already in love with them, they may like you and find you attractive but they do not love you truly. Do not get it twisted.

Anakor Vanessa M. A Nigerian enthusiastic writer of human relationships/interactions and fiction novels and stories. She looks towards securing a challenging role in the writing company, to bring fresh value and vision to the business. She is aspiring to be an author and scriptwriter.

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