EXPECTATIONS DURING COURTSHIP

•       DATING

What is dating?

It is a workshop in which you can help develop the skills needed to achieve a positive intimate relationship in marriage.

Good reasons for dating

•       For personality development

•       To know and understand the other person better

•       To fill human need for love

•       To fill social needs for recreation and fun

•       To find a future marriage partner

•       To develop spiritual growth

Wrong Reasons for Dating

-          For material gain

-          For sexual activities

-          For prestige

-          To make someone jealous

COURTSHIP

It is a period of further studying and understanding of one another to know if you can spend the rest of your lives together.

ENGAGEMENT

•       Is a signal that the relationship is about to be unionized.

•       It starts with the parents of the girl giving their consent to the request of the boy for the hand of their girl in marriage.  After engagement, the formal marriage is followed.

FACTORS TO CONSIDER DURING COURTSHIP

1) COMPATIBILITY

•       Physical compatibility: deals with age, stature and beauty.

•       Physiological compatibility: genetic make-up, blood group

•       Emotional compatibility: temperament and personality disposition.

•       Social compatibility: introvert, extrovert

•       Spiritual compatibility: do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever

•       Intellectual compatibility: reasoning capability

2) INTELLECTUAL

•       Supportive Environment

•       Physical and mental health

•       Home training: social graces and breeding

•       Interests

•       Romantic attraction

•       Love

TRUE LOVE OR INFATUATION

Characteristics of True love

Ø  True love is not unreasonable.

Ø  True love is not blind but it is pure and holy.

Ø  True love will take God into its plans

Ø  True love is calm and deep in its nature.

Ø  True love is selfless.

How to identify person practicing True love

Ø  The grace of God will be shown in the person.

Ø  He/she will be moderate; simple, sincere, have good morals and religious.

Characteristics of infatuation.

Ø  Infatuation: is headstrong, intoxicated and unreasonable.

Ø  Blind, uncontrollable.

Ø  Often deaf to the voice of reason and conscience.

PRACTICES TO BE AVOIDED DURING COURTSHIP

There are some practices to be avoided by both parties which include the following:

1.       Avoid purposeless visits –Both parties should avoid sudden, unscheduled visit and most especially any visitation that does not have any purpose because unnecessary visitation by both parties may lead to temptation. They should give no place to the devil Eph 4:27

 

2.       Avoid being together alone in the dark – Staying alone in the dark may aid falling into sin. Darkness & the prince of darkness are always producing fruits of darkness

3.       Avoid being together alone in a room behind closed doors and windows – Don’t give people around room to make insinuations. Nothing of uncleanliness should be associated with you. Maintain a testimony of cleanliness. 1Pet5:8 Devil like a roaring lion looking for whom to devour, Math 5:14-16 you are the light of the world.

4.       Avoid Kissing, Pecking and Caressing – Flee youthful lusts 2Tim2:22, what you will eat for life, why rushing over it? Patience & self - control are fruits of the Holy spirit Gal 5:22.

5.       Avoid Fornication – Heb13:4 “Marriage is honourable, the bed undefiled.” Pre-marital sex can expose you to various risks such as: unwanted pregnancy, contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI/STD), physical injury, and psychological injury.

6.       Another thing that the lady should avoid is sleeping in the house of the man and cooking for the man. These should be avoided because sleeping in the man’s house may increase the pressure to engage in sexual activity which may result to a terrible situation.

 FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN READINESS FOR MARRIAGE

1.            PHYSICAL & MENTAL READINESS: age and physical development, reasoning capacity, maturity.

2.            ECONOMIC READINESS:

Ø  Academic achievement

Ø  Learning of skills

Ø  Having a steady job

The man especially must be ready economically to be able to pay the bride price and care for the wife.

3.            EMOTIONAL READINESS

Ø  Be ready to withstand shock

Ø  Be able to endure and accept whatever you see.

Ø  Be able to accept others as they are.

Anybody who wants to enter into marriage/relationship must be ready to adjust and respect the feelings of his/her partner.

4.            DOMESTIC READINESS: Everybody who is contemplating to marry must have a good knowledge of what practical domestic life is like.

Ø  Cleaning the rooms.

Ø  Planning the menu to include balanced diet.

Ø  Cooking good food.

Ø  Caring for children.

E.G White admonishes that “upon no account should the marriage relation be entered upon until the parties have knowledge of the duties of practical domestic life.” “A knowledge of domestic duty is beyond price to every woman”

“The wife should have culture of the mind and manners that she may be qualified to rightly train the children that may be given her”.

5.            SPIRITUAL READINESS.

• Be prayerful, believe in God and be ready spiritually.
• Finally seek adequate counsel from the bible, from godly parents and from God in ceaseless prayers since it is God alone that knows the future of everyone.

REASON FOR BRIDE PRICE

                In some marriage engagements especially in Africa, a prospective husband has to pay a certain amount of money or its equivalent to the parents of the bride. This is to assure the bride’s parents that the man they are entrusting the happiness of their daughter has made enough provision for the support of the family.

                The idea of bride price is also to:

Ø  Test his ability to provide for a family

Ø  Prevent hasty marriage and

Ø  To test the depth of his affection.

No man is excusable for being without financial ability.