THE MIND: ON LOVE, OBSESSION AND EXPECTATIONS.

       "We fell in love!" It sounds so sweet and alluring. They say it's the sweetest thing that can ever happen to a man or a woman. Alright friend, snap back to reality as we discuss love, obsessions and expectations, placing them in categories, so that you would understand better. After this, I don't think we would have too many questions. So, shall we disagree to agree?

         Many people complain bitterly about their partners when they have conversations with their friends. They are like, "how can a man claim he loves you and still sleep with your best friend, while he is literally married to you? I mean, I have been married to Billy for seven years now and he is suddenly not attracted to me anymore. Where did I go wrong?" Someone once said this to me, "Jay, I'm really trying to keep it together. Bisola and I were engaged, hoping to get married after the next three months. Why will she elope with another man after all the money I spent on her?" He struggled to speak. "Where do I start my life Jay?" He kept crying. Now, these people come with questions they hope to find answers to. They want you to listen to their plight and advice them on how they can sort things out with themselves. The questions is, is there really a solution for heartbreak, pain, hurt and disappointment? Now, let's get to the root of the issue, the source of these situations that do not seem to have total solutions. I put it to you that there are still good men and women out there, there are partners who would not cheat on their significant others and I will explain why. There is a marginal difference between 'falling in love' and 'loving unconditionally'. This is a difference that should change your mentality on love, obsessions and expectations. There are two solid reasons why your partner would not cheat on you. These reasons are unconditional love and conviction. Anybody that does not agree with me should bring a solid point to prove me wrong. Are you a mother? Do you acknowledge the way you felt when you first held your baby? Yes, I'm talking about that feeling, like you would give anything to keep that little one, like you would fight till the last drop of your blood to protect that little one. Are you a sibling? Do you acknowledge your superspeed to the hospital when you were told your brother was in critical condition? Do you understand how you could still forgive your brother, even after knowing he killed someone, religion aside? Do you see how it hurts you when your sister is not happy with her relationship? Yes, that is unconditional love. I could tell you that I acknowledge my superspeed when my brother is seriously ill. I could tell you that my empathy and anxiety increase by a thousand tons when it concerns my family. 

           Your superspeed is as quick as running for your dear life from a predator. It is integral. When you love your partner unconditionally, you take him or her as part of you. If you know that you are going to lose your foot once you place it on a jigsaw, would you still place your foot? No, you wouldn't. Then, you should ask yourself this, "would there be peace in my home if I cheat on my partner? Would I ever be happy?" Now, many people fall in love at first sight and get married in three days, other date for a while and get married. I want to point out 'falling in love'. This kind of love does not last. Do you realise how selfish you are when you fall in love? You want to see that person everyday, busy or not, you want all the person's attention and you are willing to impress the person by any means necessary. Now, let is relate this to obsession. Believe it or not, when you fall in love with someone, you are mildly obsessed with that person. You frown your face when you see your partner spend time with his or her male or female friends, you are easily jealous (forget #iamthejealoustype) you are needy and clingy, you find yourself wanting to call your partner at every opportunity you get. It wouldn't be long till you find yourself stalking your partner. Then, you start displaying different channels of obsession that developed from the fact that you could not deal with it at the beginning. On the other hand, you don't stalk someone you love unconditionally, you are not selfish. Permit me to relate to the Bible. Jesus, the Son of God loved us unconditionally, that was why he was integral enough to die for our sins. He had the power to say no, he had the power to kill the soldiers that arrested him, but, he did not do any of that. He chose to endure the pain. My point is, unconditional love understands, it listens and reflect, it is given by your creator and developed by you, it does not allow anger or negativity to dominate and it does not condemn. If you cannot get to this level, you are 100% prone to cheating. 

         Obsession from what you think is love allows intruding thoughts to manifest in actions. You become angry with your partner at every little thing. You might even become cold and reserved if it goes too far. No, unconditionally love makes you want to sort things out. You love this person from inside out and you cannot imagine your life without this person. Trust me, you cannot have unconditional love at first sight and marriage after three days.

(To be continued)

Next part would be on conviction.